I Liked It.
- Olga Kwak
- 04 Aug 2016
(or How Not to Be a Creep Online…or How I Maintain Good Social Graces Online)
We’re roughly in our third decade as an online species. Have we learned how to be nice on the Internet, yet? Maintaining good online social graces are more important today than ever before. It’s more than just what they find out about you on Google. An online social reputation is built on your actions and your words through all of your online accounts. Here are six reminders that will give you a better online social presence.
1. The Internet is an extension of our brains. What you post or like or comment on lays bare your subconscious.
Freud described the human mind as an iceberg. The conscious part of it is merely the tip, whereas the subconscious, the part that governs the majority of our actions, thoughts, wants, needs, desires, outlooks, etc. exists below the surface. So it’s safe to say that a large part of what we do online turns out to be a subconscious action like scrolling through your newsfeed, double-tapping and clicking the Like button or swiping left or right on Tinder.
These actions will show up to others through some social media, like Facebook, regard- less of whether you want it to, or not. There is just too much content and too many sub-conscious actions to prevent your true feelings from showing up in some fashion. The act of clicking the Like button requires almost zero thought process. It was engineered that way for better engagement. I’ve often liked a status update, picture, or headline and quickly unliked it again because that was not my intention. I mostly just wanted to creep the comments.
2. Everything you post online is within your control. What others post, or do with your post once you post, is no longer in your control.
I once wrote a scathing email to a blogger because I was disgusted by his words. He then posted my email and verbally humiliated me in front of his thousands of followers. The comments section tallied into the dozens (this was the hey-day of personal blogs) and even my ex-boyfriend got in on the action. It was humiliating. And a big lesson on what happens when you write something and send it out into the Interwebs.
There will always be people who want to tear you down. Some of them will know you. Some of them will not, yet still want to bring you to your knees because of their own reasons (see point number one about the sub-conscious). Why give them ammunition?
Be thoughtful about what you post and where it could go.
3. Ask before you friend and un-follow if you need to.
Be reasonably sure that you want to friend someone online. You’re entering into an online relationship with them where you could learn more than you bargained for.
For instance: Oh, that person that I respect really loves wine. Like, that’s all she talks about.
And use the un-follow feature on Facebook liberally and without prejudice. I do. It keeps me happier and allows me to maintain a modicum of respect for people who are flawed human beings, but still my friends, acquaintances, former and current work col- leagues, and more.
4. By all means, creep their Instagram account – but don’t double-tap a photo. That gives you away!
Be smart in your online creeping habits. There is nothing that says you should not Google a person’s name or browse through all of their Instagram photos (if they’re public). But, for the love of God, do not make it known that you are creeping. Remember, this is in your control. You do not have to like something – even though you like something. And it’s probably best not to mention a detail you found online, when they have never mentioned it to you once. However, creeping does give you an opportunity to think up new topics that would interest you both. But you must be natural about it.
5. There’s always going to be a troll online. Or two. Or three.
I have watched families stop speaking to each other because of something that was posted online. The presumed anonymity of the Internet gives people confidence to say what’s on their mind, often backed up by a headline that doesn’t always come from a credible source.
Except you don’t just get to drop a bomb into a comments section or by resharing a headline and walk away from. Sometimes what you say creates a reaction and you’ve got two choices in the matter: respond and retaliate or leave it alone. Far too many times, our Ego kicks in and decides we need to make a stand for our argument. But to what end? Will it solve a crisis? Or is it just to appease our ideal perceptions of ourselves? Do not engage the trolls lest you want to become one yourself.
Wouldn’t it also be nicer to imagine your online presence as part of a community that you’ve built yourself? We all have a village idiot in our community, but you’re not going to yell back at him each time he hollers that the moon is made of cheese. Sometimes, you just keep walking.
6. Don’t get mad at the social media platform.
Change is inevitable and a good thing. I think I reposted something to that effect at least once. We all wanted something more than a Like button on Facebook. This past February we got ‘em. No one was happy. Too many choices, what a silly idea, not enough angry ones. Good Lord, people!
What we might forget is that these platforms are built by humans. Some of the best human computer engineers in the world, I might add. There’s a severe lack of good IT talent out there specifically because Google and Facebook have taken them all. And they’re working like dogs to give you a better newsfeed. Yet we assume that they are working against us and are clearly not listening to us.
Maybe let’s give them a little more credit. Personally, I would never want to work for these companies, but there are many people who want to further this extension of our minds into new and uncharted online territories. Maybe eventually they’ll be able to tell us how we’re feeling instead of the other way around. Maybe they’ll map out our subconscious for us. Right now they’re just trying to give us a better user experience online and we should be thankful for it because, at the end of the day, we don’t need to use social media, but we choose to anyway.
How we go about doing that is entirely within our control. Our online presence has created a new paradigm of social graces and maybe Emily Post would have a thing or two to say about it, but she’s not here any longer to make those calls. Hopefully, these few tips will give you a better online experience.
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